One of the worst aspects of grieving is the feeling of being trapped. It is like the feeling of being cornered or pinned down while some punk bully pokes you with a stick. This insults are thick and fast. And you can hear the delight in their voice as your tears begin to overflow from the brokenness of your soul...
There is a reason the Bible refers to the Devil as the "Accuser". When you are weak and frail and broken into a thousand tiny pieces, you have no defenses. He capitalises on this opportunity and it is not possible to protect yourself from his viscious accusations. "Look what has happened! This is all you're good for! You are marked for pain and suffering your whole life! No matter what you do, it will always go horribly wrong, just to spite you! God does not love you! How could He? Look how weak you are!!! You will never overcome this!!!"
These are just some of the taunts I have had flung at me recently...
So, what do you do with that? What do you do when you have nothing left and you feel completely swallowed up by the darkness and hopelessness of your situation?
If you're me, you sit on the floor of the shower and cry... Not everything He said was a lie, you know. I am weak. And I will never overcome this... I am utterly helpless to get out of this situation. But, He was forgetting something very crucial. He was forgetting that when I am weak, then I am strong. Because I know that my Redeemer lives and I know that His power is made perfect in my weakness.
I am loved. I am loved beyond comprehension or wildest imagination!!! Of this I am more fully convinced than ever. How could I be so sure? Well, it went like this...
So I sat there, sobbing. It was that kind of sobbing that draws out every last ounce of your being so that you ache with every breath. It was the sobbing that flows from the brokenness of an utterly crushed spirit. I wanted to cry out to the Lord, but I was so consumed by the darkness that I did not have the strength, be it physically or spiritually, to muster even a whimper, let alone a cry. But His Spirit acts on my behalf. His Word gave me words in my hour of need....
"Let your steadfast love come to me, O LORD, your salvation according to your promise; then shall I have an answer for him who taunts me, for I trust in your word." (Psalm 119: 41-42)
The answer came as a gentle, tender whisper from deep within the Holy of Hollies, my heart...
"My Child, are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father... But even the hairs on your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." (Matt 10: 29 -30)
With that Word in my heart, I looked my Accusor in the eye and I said out loud, "I am of more value than many sparrows and I refuse to be taunted any longer." And with that, He left. He fled. And I had peace. I was free.
I have peace..... I am free..... This is the freedom the Bible talks about. There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I stand free and nobody can clam otherwise. I feel like a veil has been lifted and I am only just now beginning to see just how far reaching the practical effects of this truth are...
What is binding you today? What lies and accusations are you believing? If you are in Christ, this freedom is yours to claim!
Why should I feel discouraged?
Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart be lonely,
And long for heaven and home?
When Jesus is my portion
A constant friend is He.
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me...
I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me!!