This is an excerpt from my personal Journal from October 30, 2012 (Tuesday)...
"It is something altogether different to say His grace is sufficient for today when tomorrow holds no hope of any significance." - Joseph Lehmann.
"Jesus, show me what blessing looks like! Help me to understand the blessings you lavish on me. You say You do, but I don't see it. Give me eyes to see."
What followed this journal entry was two pages of despairing questions and concerns from a hurting and desperate woman. It was 1am. Another sleepless night with thoughts racing. Suddenly I had that disturbing feeling of another presence in the room. I dropped my pen and turned. It was Jordan. My precious 6 year old. He could not sleep either because he was thinking of his brother, and he felt sad. We talked about Hudson for a while and then I asked him,
"Since neither of us can sleep, lets do something together. What would you like to do?"
"I want to do a Bible study with you Mum."
Not what I was expecting, but I happily obliged. This is what we read...
"And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, "Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it." And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them."
We then talked about how children often understand God better than adults. Kids don't complicate things by over thinking them. They simply take God at His Word. We talked about Jonah and the whale (this is Jordan's favourite story at the moment). How different would that story have turned out if Jonah had simply taken God at His Word and obeyed with child-like faith? We prayed together and I crawled into bed with a heart full of praise, thankful for the fellowship I shared with my precious boy. He had encouraged my heart in a way that no other person had done in a very long time. He opened the Word with me and sought out truth with me. He makes me happy. What a blessing to my soul!!!
It was now Thursday afternoon. The swimming lesson had finished. Her brother was at Karate so it was just the two of us today. She was so delighted when I gave her the 50 cents to buy a bag of lollies from the kiosk. The big blue towel wrapped itself around my leg and squeezed in tight. I love the way her ringlets bounce as she skips ahead. My leg is wet... I smile from the inside-out. As she hurries away to collect her treat I whisper under my breath, "Thank you for her, she makes me happy!"
As we walk to the car, a midst the squelching of wet pluggers, a profound question calls out from under the big blue towel...
"Mum, what does it mean to despair?"
"Well, it means someone is feeling very hurt and sad about something and they can't imagine ever feeling better. They feel hopeless."
"What is hope, Mum?"
"Hope is knowing that we will be OK, even when it feels like we wont."
"We have hope don't we Mum. We don't need to despair because we know Jesus, don't we!"
Wow!! Her words ring out across the car park and echo into the deepest parts of my heart. My eyes fill immediately... my 4 year old sage is ministering to me. Those were exactly the words I had needed to hear all week. Spoken from truly wise, child-like faith.
"Ellie girl, you are so precious!! Thank you for helping Mummy remember truth."
She giggles... "This lolly tastes like toothpaste."
I think my eyes are opening. I am beginning to see. We have a God who answers prayer! There is blessing all around. There are still tough times ahead, but I know that we are going to be OK. As I press on to bring my brokenness to the Redeemer, to grow in Him, my prayer is now this...
Father, when I grow up, help me to be just like my kids.